| yo..past few weeks have been..just killer..*sigh* wellz after trying to not think about certain things..who knew that today..a day like any other with the addition of a short little apology note would be the day i turn around and face all that crap that's been in my head..and wellz..after a nice long conversation with my ever amazing and hilarious lesbian lover, i feel kinda better? well maybe not..maybe i just feel lighter and not so stressed about this relationshiop issue because i've pretty much come to a point where i've sorted out the crap via ranting and listening to what lover thinks and now i know what i'm gonna do..lol wellz at least i know what general direction i'll be headed in..and yes since this is most likely the beginning of the end of a seemingly long but technically short and bumby ride, i'm sad, but i know that feeling that way won't solve anything..so i'm gonna take a deep breath, breathe out slowly, and face tomoro(or a day sometime very soon) with not a smile, but a calm and maybe not too optimistic..countenance? uhh..yea i just lost my train of thought..but hey i guess that's to be expected since i'm about half-dead right now lol wellz point of this silly paragraph is to announce(to myself probably since nobody uses xanga anymore) that i'm not on the verge of yet another breakdown, i'm actually feeling pretty chill cause you know what? when life throws her lemons, nina ying eats them cause she can take the sour like a..womanly man??..and sometimes, crap like this just happens..sometimes you just can't help the way you feel and you end up falling for someone that just wasn't meant to be one of the ones you're supposed to fall for(does that make any sense at all??)..and if it just isn't working out no matter what you or the other person does..then you should just let it go..and hope for the best..cause..well..C'EST LA VIE! yupp..that's about it..lol i realize i'm getting more and more vague with each entry i write hahah silly me..mrs. mansfield would have a stroke.."say it with me now..DETAILS DETAILS DETAILS!" heh ^.^ |
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| wow..it's been a while..summer's over..school's starting again..and this is the first time in three years i can say that i'm happy to be back at school..but..i dunno..with me it always seems like things get good for a bit and then something really bad is always not even around the corner but right there..so close i just have to look up and it'll hit me in the face again.. maybe i'm thinking too much again? heh..but i dun think so..not this time..what am i supposed to do? i just did something i probably shuldn't have done..something i shuld have stopped even thinking about doing since a few months ago..it's over rite? but oh god..what if he realizes what i did? i wonder if he'll understand what that means..what it might mean..what i want to say is it means absolutely nothing..but deep down..somewhere i don't want to bring to the surface..i'm scared that i know it does mean something.. oh my god i have to stop..i can't be doing this again..what's wrong with me? there's no more of what happened before rite? i made my decision and i'm happy with it..i'm still happy with it..at least..i think i still am..but..why..why does something inside ache so much when i saw that old entry of his? it barely sed anything about..dare i say.."us"? and yet..i can feel it..that ache..telling me that not everything is alrite..there's something..something else.. i just hope..when i go to sleep..my dreams won't include hazy images of black cats and the faraway sound of someone's deep deep voice.. |
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| ^.^ guess what? o6.24.o7 hehe..yupp |
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| wo bu zhi dao..wo zuo le she me? wo zai zuo she me? wo ying gai zuo she me? aghhh!! zhe me ban a??? dui bu qi... |
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| hmm guess what happened yesterday? two against the world..^.^ |
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